Pocket Fighter & The Not So Holy Grail
by Hellbender DX
Summary: After watching Monty Python & The Holy Grail, I decided to make a fanfic using several characters from the Capcom universe [Pocket Fighter style]. Anyways, R&R! [Note: Chapter Two is up!]
1. Session One

**Disclaimer 1: **The characters used in this fan-fic are copyrighted to Capcom (Street Fighter, Darkstalkers Resident Evil, Mega-Man & any other misc. Capcom games).  
**Disclaimer 2:** The storyline of this fic is copy-righted to the original storyline of _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_  
**Disclaimer 3:** Please note that this **IS A PARODY**. Though it may not follow the exact way as to the original, it will carry the elements to make it accurate.  
**Disclaimer 4:** I **AM** aware that this parody of _Monty Python_ has been done to death. I Just wanted to post my version of it.

_**POCKET FIGHTER & THE "NOT-SO" HOLY GRAIL  
Session One**_

_**Chapter One: Enter King Ryu**_

_Somewhere in the middle of England…_

_(The scene starts out in the middle of a rotted field, with foggy air so thick that not even the sunlight could penetrate it. Moments passed later, and the sound of hoof beats can be heard from a distance. Over the horizon, a young man dressed in white training clothing and with a white headband appeared. Following him was another man, wearing the same clothing as him but in red, banging two coconuts halves together.)_

"Ya know, I really don't see why you couldn't afford **_real_** horses!" the man dressed in red muttered in anger.

"For the last time, Ken…" the one in white said with a sigh. "…we don't have the money to **_buy_** any real horses… So this will have to do until we become famous…" Ken just glared at him, still muttering in anger.

"Yeah, but I still don't see why I have to do this…"

_(The other didn't say anything and continued on with his travel, leaving Ken in total hatred against him as he followed. A few moments later, the two wanderers came upon a building in the middle of nowhere.)_

"WOAH THERE!" shouted the one in white, raising his hand.

"I'm not your damn horse, Ryu…" Ken muttered once more, leaving Ryu to glare at him back.

_(The two continued on towards the building, appearing more to be a castle as they draw closer until a guard appeared at the top.)_

"HALT!" shouted the guard. "WHO GOES THERE?"

"T'IS I, RYU!" he replied. "THE WANDERING FIGHTER FROM THE COURT OF POCKET FIGHTER HQ! LEADER OF THE FORMING POCKET FIGHTERS! DEFEATER OF THE GREAT SAGAT AND THE VILLIANOUS BISON! SOVERINE OF ALL JAPAN!

"And the biggest fame-hogger of all time…" Ken silently added, only to get kicked in the face by Ryu. "HEY!"

"AND WHO'S THE OTHER ONE?" asked the guard.

**Ryu:** I AM! THIS IS MY TRUSTY SERVANT, KEN MASTERS! WE HAVE RIDDEN THE LENGTHS OF THIS FORSAKENED LAND, IN SEARCH OF FIGHTERS WHO WILL JOIN ME IN MY COURT AT POCKET FIGHTER HQ! IF WE MAY, WE MUST SPEAK WITH YOUR LORD AND MASTER!

**Guard:** WHAT? RIDDEN ON HORSES?

**Ryu:** WHY YES!

**Guard:** BUT YOU'RE USING COCONUTS! YOU'VE GOT TWO EMPTY HALVES OF THEM, AND YOUR SERVANT IS BANGING THEM TOGETHER!

Ryu blinked. "SO! WE HAVE RIDDEN SINCE OF WINTER HAVE COIVERED THIS LAND! THROUGH THE KINGDOM OF RACCOON, AND…"

"WHERE'D YOU GET THEM?" the guard demanded. A long paused followed.

**Ryu:** Umm…WE FOUND THEM!

**Guard:****_FOUND_** THEM? IN THE MIDDLE OF ENGLAND? THE COCONUTS ARE TROPICAL!

**Ryu:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

**Guard:** THIS IS A TEMPERATE ZONE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

**Ryu:** THE SWALLOW MAY FLY SOUTH WITH THE SUN OR THE HOUSE MARTIN OR THE PLOVER MAY SEEK WARMER CLIMATES IN WINTER, YET THESE ARE NOT STRANGERS TO OUR LAND!

**Guard:** SO NOW YOU'RE SUGGESTING THAT COCONUTS MIGRATE?

**Ryu:** NOT AT ALL! THEY SHOULD BE CARRIED!

**Guard:** WHAT? A SWALLOW CARRYING A COCONUT?

**Ryu:** WELL, IT COULD GRIP IT BY THE HUSK!

**Guard:** IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WHERE IT GRIPS IT! IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION OF WEIGHT RATIOS! A FIVE-OUNCE BIRD CAN'T CARRY A ONE-POUND COCONUT!

**Ryu:** (slowly getting irritated) WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER! WILL YOU GO AND TELL YOUR MASTER THAT RYU FROM THE COURT OF POCKET FIGHTER HQ IS HERE?

_(A moment of silence...)_

**Guard:** LOOK, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN AN AIR-SPEED VELOCITY, A SWALLOW HAS TO BEAT ITS WINGS FORTY-THREE TIMES PER SECOND, RIGHT?

**Ryu:** PLEASE!

**Guard:** AM I RIGHT?

**Ryu:** I'M NOT INTERESTED, DAMN IT!

_(So the two continued to argue, long enough for another guard to appear at the top of the castle.)_

**Guard 2:** It could be carried by African swallow…

**Guard 1:** (turns to the second guard) Oh yeah…an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow; that's my point.

**Guard 2:** Oh yeah, I agree with that.

**Ryu:** (already losing patience) WILL YOU ASK YOUR MASTER IF HE WANTS TO JOIN MY COURT OR NOT?

_(But sadly, the two guards didn't pay one bit of attention to him.)_

**Guard 1:** But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.

**Guard 2:** Oh yeah…

**Guard 1:** So they couldn't bring a coconut anyway…

_(And at this point, Ryu just had it with them. Nodding to his servant Ken, they turned and traveled back into the mist, leaving the guards still having their conversation.)_

**Guard 2:** Wait a minute…what if two swallows carried it together?

**Guard 1:** Impossible! They'd have to have it on a line.

**Guard 2:** Well, easy! They'd just use a strand of creeper!

**Guard 1:** What, held under the dorsal gulding feathers?

**Guard 2:** Well, why not?

_-End of Chapter One…_

_**Chapter Two: Better Off With the Dead**_

_(The scene starts out in the middle of a muddy road, where piles of bodies were laying everywhere, moaning and groaning in agonizing pain. On the road, you see creaking cart passing by, being pulled by ragged, dirty wretches as they pass through the field of bodies, picking one up and placing them on the cart. Behind the cart, you see a skinny-looking robot with a skull as its face (Skull Man from the Mega-Man series) carrying a scythe with one hand while holding a bell in the other.)_

"Bring out your dead!" _he says as he clanged his bell, following the cart as it drives through the wretched village, spotting starved mongrels scavenging for food and fighting over their claims. In a doorway, you spot an old woman beating a rat on the wall, rather like one does to a dusty carpet. As the cart passes by, you spot a villager tied to the end of the cart somehow, and unfortunately, is getting beaten to death by four nuns with huge hammers. _

_Continuing their path, you spot another villager shoveling a handful of mud into his mouth. And catching one in sight is a villager falling into a well._

**Skull Man:** (clangs his bell) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead!

_(Just then, Cut Man walks up to him, carrying Dust Man on his shoulder.)_

**Cut Man:** Here's one, sir!

**Skull Man:** That's nice gold pieces…

**Dust Man:** (protesting weakly) WAIT! I'm not dead!

**Skull Man:** (blinks to the Dust Man) What…?

**Cut Man:** Umm…nothing! Here are your pieces.

**Dust Man:** I'm not dead!

**Skull Man:** (blinks to the Dust Man once more before turning to Cut Man) He says he's not dead.

**Cut Man:** Yes, he is.

**Dust Man:** I'm not!

**Skull Man:** (confused now) He's isn't?

**Cut Man:** Well, he will be soon. He's not even a worthy opponent, especially when it comes to Mega-Man.

**Dust Man:** I'm getting better! Really!

**Cut Man:** (glares to Dust Man) No, you're not! You'll be stone dead in a minute!

**Skull Man:** (scratches his chin) I see…well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

**Dust Man:** I don't want to go into the cart! It's scary!

**Cut Man:** (rolls his eyes) Oh, don't be such a baby…

**Skull Man:** Sorry, but I can't take him…

**Cut Man:** Oh…well, can you do us a favor, then?

**Skull Man:** I can't…

**Cut Man:** Well, can you at least wait here for a moment? It won't be long.

**Skull Man:** Sorry, but I got to go on to Wily's place: He's lost nine today.

**Cut Man:** Well, when's your next round?

**Skull Man:** Thursday.

**Dust Man:** Umm…I think I'll go for a walk now…

**Cut Man:** (glares to Dust Man again) You're not fooling anyone, you know! (turns to Skull Man) Look, isn't there something that you can do?

**Dust Man:** (sighs and sings to himself) I'm so pretty…oh, so pretty…

_(Skull Man looks at Cut Man for a brief moment. Then they both do a quick glance at the streets, making sure that no one were watching them before turning back to nod each other. Once clear, Skull Man swiftly brings up his scythe and chops Dust Man's head off, ending his ridiculous singing for good.)_

**Cut Man:** (smiles as he hands over the body and the money finally) Thank you very much, sir!

**Skull Man:** S'alight. See you on Thursday.

**Cut Man:** Right!

_(Just when they were about to go on their separate paths, they spot Ryu and Ken "riding" through the village, acknowledging to no one as they pass by. After that moment, Cut Man turns to Skull man.)_

**Cut Man:** Wonder who were they?

**Skull Man:** Not sure. Must be a king.

**Cut Man:** How so?

**Skull Man:** Simple: He's hasn't got crap all over him…and he's human.

_-End of Chapter 2…_

**_Chapter Three: The Power of the Judicial System_**

_(This scene starts out where Ryu and Ken are "riding" along the grasslands. Moments later, they stopped as a spot a castle yards away from them. Before it, they spot several peasants working on their knees, trying their best to dig up the earth as much as they can. Ryu nodded to Ken and they rode up behind a nearby cart, being pulled by a peasant.)_

**Ryu:** Old woman!

**Peasant:** (turns to Ryu to show his true self) MAN!

**Ryu:** Oh…I'm sorry, then. Anyways, what knight lives in that castle over there? (points to it)

**Peasant:** I'm twenty-seven!

**Ryu:** (blinks) What?

**Peasant:** I'm twenty-seven! I'm not old!

**Ryu:** Well, can I just call you "man", or "peasant", or something?

**Peasant:** Well, you **_could_** call me "Leon".

**Ryu:** I didn't know you were called "Leon"…

**Leon:** Well, you didn't bother to find that out, did you?

**Ryu:** Look, I did say sorry about the "old woman" deal, but from behind you look…

**Leon:** (glares to Ryu) Look, mister! What I object is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!

**Ryu:** (blinks) Well, I **_am_** king…

**Leon:** (scoff angrily) Oh _king_! That's_ very_ nice of you! And, how'd you get that, huh? By exploiting the workers? By hanging on to an outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society? If there's ever going to be any **_real_** progress--

**Ryu: **(Just blinks to him as he turns to Ken) Did you get anything what he just said?

**Ken:** Not a single bit, sir…

**Ryu:** Thought so…

_(So they decided to let Leon continue on with his rambling, long enough to Jill Valentine Resident Evil to crawl into the scene.)_

**Jill:** Leon, there's some great filth down here! (looks up to Ryu) Oh! Hello, and how do you do?

**Ryu:** (nods to Jill) How do you do, my good lady. I am Ryu, King of the Pocket Fighters! Whose castle is that over there?

**Jill:** (blinks) The king of who?

**Ryu:** The Pocket Fighters.

**Jill:** (looks to him with a puzzled look) And who are they?

**Ryu:** Well, we all are. We're all Pocket Fighters and I am your king.

**Jill:** Hmm…didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

**Leon:** (turns to Jill) Quit fooling yourself, Jill! We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes—

**Jill:** (sighs as she rolls her eyes) Oh, there you go again…bringing class into it again.

**Leon:** That's what it's all about! If people would just—

**Ryu:** (slowly losing patience) Umm…excuse me, but I'm rather in a hurry. Just tell me who lives in that castle, please.

**Jill:** (looks up to Ryu and shrugs) No one lives there.

**Ryu:** Oh? Then who is your lord?

**Jill:** We don't have one.

**Ryu:** (blinks) Don't have one?

**Leon:** (sighs and shakes his head) I told you: we're anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take turns acting as a kind of executive officer for the week.

**Ryu:** Yes.

**Leon:** But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting.

**Ryu:** Okay…you can stop now.

**Leon:** By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs—

**Ryu:** Be quiet, please!

**Leon:** But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more—

**Ryu:** Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

**Jill:** Order, huh? (goes back to digging more dirt) Who does he think he is?

**Ryu:** I am your king!

**Jill:** (looks up to Ryu with a slight glare) Well, I didn't vote for you!

**Ryu:** (blinks) You don't vote for kings!

**Jill:** Well then! How did you become king?

**Ryu:** Simple: By the Gentleman of the Computer!

_(At this point, you hear angels singing in the background…)_

**Ryu: **His arm clad in the purest shimmering nylon, using the keyboard to type up the entire script, and replacing the king's role with mine, signifying by divine providence that I, Ryu, was to have this role…

_(The singing slowly fades away…)_

**Ryu:_ That_** is why I am your king!

**Leon:** (rolls his eyes before glaring to Ryu) Look, you stupid nimrod! Strange people, writing on computers, and replacing certain elements to make it look like their own work is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power comes from a mandate from the mass, not from some pathetic plagiaristic electronic ceremony!

**Ryu:** (groans angrily) Be quiet!

**Leon:** Well then! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some fat bastard gave you someone else's lines!

**Ryu:** Shut up!

**Leon:** Just think about it: if I went around saying that I'm the prince of all Sayian-jins just because some health-less nerd typed my name in the script, they'd lock me up for all eternity!

**Ryu:** (grabs him by the collar of his shirt) SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!

**Leon:** (smirks upon Ryu's reaction) Ah, now we see violence inheriting the system!

**Ryu:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU SHUT UP!

**Leon:** Everyone! Come see the violence inheriting the system! (is shaken violently) Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

**Ryu:** (drops him) Stupid peasant! (nods to Ken and "rides" off)

**Leon:** Oh, what a dead giveaway! (turns to Jill) Did you hear that? That's exactly what I'm talking about! Did you him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

**Jill:** (sarcastically) Whoop-dee-do…now get back to work…

_-End of Chapter Three…_

_**Chapter Four: The Invincible Akuma?**_

_(The scene opens where Ryu and ken are "riding" through the forest. They stopped after hearing a fight nearby and continued on, tracing the sound from which it was coming. They make it to a clearing where they spot a wooden bridge on the other side. At the start of the bridge, you see Akuma and Vega having a tremendous fight.)_

_Vega lunges towards Akuma with his claws, who avoids his attacks with skillful side-step, knocking his claw off from Vega's hand. In response, Vega tries to knock him down with sweep kick, but Akuma jumps up and dodges it, knocking Vega down with a round-house kick. Ryu and Ken watches with much enthusiasm as Vega slowly gets up.)_

_  
_**Vega:** (charges to Akuma) YYYAAAAAAHHHHH!

_(Akuma just scoffs as he gets to a particular stance, his hands moving back to his right side as holds the ends of the palms together. Just then, a strange electrical surge started to gather in his hands, forming more into an electrical sphere as it gathers more energy. As Vega makes ready for his charging attack, Akuma throws his arms outwards, still holding his hands together as the fires his attack straight at Vega.)_

**Akuma:** HAAAAAAAA!

_(The fireball hits Vega in the chest, causing him to fly back and crashing onto the ground, and lays there completely lifeless. Ryu and Ken blinked as they turn their attention to Akuma, who was moving back to the bridge and standing there. Ryu nodded to Ken as they moved forward. Akuma watched him closely, glaring at both of them as they approach to him.)_

**Ryu:** You fight with strength of many fighters, my friend.

**Akuma:** (stilling glaring at him) ...

**Ryu:** I am Ryu: king of the Pocket Fighters.

**Akuma:** ...

**Ryu:** I seek the finest and bravest fighters in the land to join me in my court of Pocket Fighter HQ.

**Akuma:** ...

**Ryu:** You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

**Akuma:** ...

**Ryu:** ...

**Akuma:** ...

**Ryu:** ...

**Ken:** ...

**Vega:** ... (coughs)

**Some Random Kitten:** ...mew?

**Ryu:** All right. Since we're not going anywhere with this, I'll just leave you.

_(And just when Ryu moves, Akuma moves in his way.)_

**Akuma:** None shall pass…

**Ryu:** (blinks) What?

**Akuma:** None shall pass…

**Ryu:** I have no quarrel with you, good sir, but I must cross the bridge.

**Akuma:** Then you shall die.

**Ryu:** Oh really? Well, as king of the Pocket Fighters, I command you to move!

**Akuma:** I move to no one… (gets in his fighting stance)

**Ryu:** So be it! (gets in his as well)

_(So now the two go into a furious fight. After a few minutes of intense combat, Ryu fires a fireball at Akuma's left arm, blowing it off when it made contact to it.)_

**Ryu:** Now stand aside! There's no need to have any more bloodshed!

**Akuma:** (glance at his shoulder) 'Tis but a scratch.

**Ryu:** (blinks) A scratch? Your arm just got blown off!

**Akuma:** No, it isn't.

**Ryu:** (points to the burned arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?

**Akuma:** (glances at it before looking back to Ryu) I've been through worse.

**Ryu:** You liar!

**Akuma:** Come on, you weakling!

_(So goes another round of intense fighting, until Ryu fires another fireball at Akuma's right arm.)_

**Ryu:** HA! Victory is mine! (turns to Ken) And that's how you take out your opponent. Always go with your trusty—

_(And before he could finish, Akuma knocks him down with a simple kick.)_

**Akuma:** Come on then!

**Ryu:** (blinks as he slowly gets up) What?

**Akuma:** Have at you!

**Ryu:** You are indeed brave, sir, but the fight is mine.

**Akuma:** Oh! Had enough, eh?

**Ryu:** Look, you demonic bastard, you have no arms left!

**Akuma:** Yes, I have.

**Ryu:** (points to his burnt arms) LOOK!

**Akuma:** (glances at them before looking up to Ryu) Merely a flesh wound. (headbutts him in the chest)

**Ryu:** Stop that!

**Akuma:** (kicks him once more) Chicken! Chicken!

**Ryu:** I'll blow off your leg!

_(Akuma kicks him once more.)_

**Ryu:** Fine then! HADOKEN!

_(Ryu fires his attack to Akuma's right leg, blowing it off. Akuma keeps his balance with much difficulty.)_

**Akuma:** Very well… I will have you for that!

**Ryu:** What?

**Akuma:** Come here and fight me!

**Ryu:** (scoffs) What are you going to do? Bleed on me?

**Akuma:** I'm invincible!

**Ryu:** ...you're a loony...

**Akuma:** Akuma always triumphs! Now come on!

_(Ryu just glares to him as he blows off his other leg off, leaving his body standing upright.)_

**Akuma:** Okay then. We'll call it a draw.

**Ryu:** (glares to Akuma once more before turning to Ken) Come on. We're leaving.

_(And so the two stated to cross the bridge, leaving the mental Akuma on the ground, armless and leg-less.)_

**Akuma:** Oh, I see! Running away, eh? Come back here, you yellow bastards! Come back and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

_-End of Chapter Four…  
-End of Session One…_


	2. Session Two

**Disclaimer 1: **The characters used in this fan-fic are copyrighted to Capcom (Street Fighter, Darkstalkers Resident Evil, Mega-Man & any other misc. Capcom games).  
**Disclaimer 2:** The storyline of this fic is copy-righted to the original storyline of _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_  
**Disclaimer 3:** Please note that this **IS A PARODY**. Though it may not follow the exact way as to the original, it will carry the elements to make it accurate.  
**Disclaimer 4:** I **AM** aware that this parody of _Monty Python_ has been done to death. Just wanted to post my version of it.

_**POCKET FIGHTER &THE "NOT-SO HOLY" GRAIL  
(Session Two)**_

_**Chapter Five: The Forming of the Alliance **_

_(The scene opens inside the middle of the village. Passing by are a line of monks, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with wooden boards. Just behind them are a small group of villagers, led by **X**, **ZERO**, and** AXL **Mega-Man X series who are dragging **TESSA** from a game called Red Earth from behind. And for some reason, Tessa is wearing a witch hat and a Halloween mask.)_

**Villagers:** A WITCH! A WITCH! WE'VE GOT A WITCH! A WITCH!

_(The villagers continued their shouting as they dragged Tessa to a ruin standing in the middle of the village. Moments later, **CHUN-LI** Street Fighter Series appears through the crowd as she makes her way to the platform.)_

**Axl:** Miss Li! Miss Li! We've found a witch in our village! Can we melt her!

**Villagers:** (variously) YES! MELT THE WITCH! MELT HER TO THE GROUND!

**Chun-Li: **I see…and how do you know she is a witch?

**Zero:** Well, she looks like one!

**Chun-Li:** I see…bring her forward, then.

_(X carries Tessa up to the platform, placing her next to Chun-Li.)_

**Tessa:** (angrily) For the LAST time: I'm not a witch! I'm **NOT** a witch!

**Chun-Li:** But you _are_ dressed as one…

**Tessa:** (glares to the villagers) **THEY** dressed me up like this!

**Villagers:** No we didn't! She's lying!

**Tessa:** And this isn't my face! It's a fake one!

**Chun-Li:** (takes off the mask to reveal Tessa's true face, then turns to the villagers with an awkward stare) Well?

**X:** Umm….well, we did do the face…

**Chun-Li:** Just the face?

**Zero:** And the hat…but she's still a witch!

**Villagers:** (variously) MELT THE WITCH! MELT HER TO THE GROUND!

**Chun-Li:** (sighs and shakes her head before turning to the crowd) Did you dress her up like this?

**Axl:** NO! OF COURSE NOT! (thinks for moment) Well…we kinda did to give us proof…ummm…yeah, we did.

**X:** She does have a wart.

**Tessa:** (gasp after hearing what X said) YOU LIAR!

_(X simply blows a raspberry at her, which Tessa counters back with silly faces to mock him.)_

**Chun-Li:** Okay. So what makes you think she's a witch?

**Zero:** Well, she turned me into a monstrous, blood-sucking crazed Maverick!

**Chun-Li:** (looks to Zero skeptically) A blood-sucking crazed Maverick?

**Zero:** (stands there for a moment before putting his head down in shame) I got better…

**Tessa:** (rolls her eyes and mutters) Idiot…

**Axl:** …melt her anyway!

**Villagers:** MELT HER! MELT HER!

**Chun-Li:** Quiet, my fellow villagers! There are many ways of telling that she's a witch.

**Villagers:** (variously) Are there? What are they?

**X:** Do they hurt! (grins with much enthusiasm)

_(As the conversation continued between Chun-Li and the crowd, Ryu and Ken "rode" up to the scenery, and watched from a distance with much interest.)_

**Chun-Li:** (turns to Zero) Tell me: what do you do with witches?

**Zero:** Melt them!

**Villagers:** YES! MELT THEM ALL DOWN!

**Chun-Li:** (blinks at the response) Okay…and what do you melt apart from witches?

**X:** MORE WITCHES!

**Chun-Li:** (narrow her eyes to X) I said "_apart_ from witches"…

**X:** Oh…

**Axl:** (after having a quick thought) Metal!

**Chun-Li:** I see. So, why do witches melt, then?

**Axl:** (think for moment before responding) Bee…'cause they're made of…metal…?

**Chun-Li:** Good!

_(At first, the crowed felt uneasily with that conclusion, but they eventually got around it and agreed with Axl.)_

**Villagers:** Yeah, yeah…I suppose.

**Chun-Li:** Now then: how do we tell if she's made of metal?

**Zero:** Mold a pot out of her!

**Chun-Li:** Ah, but can you not also make pots out of clay?

**Zero:** Oh yeah…

**Chun-Li:** Now then. Does a sealed pot sink in water?

**Axl:** Umm…no…not really…

**X:** It floats! It floats!

**Zero:** (eagerly) Throw her into the pond!

**Villagers:** THE POND! THROW HER INTO THE POND!

**Chun-Li:** (signaling order among the crowd) Okay…what else floats in water?

_(A moment of silence came. X, Zero, and Axl ponder at the question before responding.)_

**Zero:** Bread!

**X:** Apples!

**Axl:** Umm…very small rocks!

**X:** Gravy!

**Zero:** Cherries!

**X:** Mud!

**Axl:** Refineries! Refineries!

**Zero:** Lead!

**X:** Small pieces of Maverick scrap!

**Axl:** A chicken!

**Ryu:** …a duck?

_(Everyone turned to Ryu. Chun-Li looks up to him, smiling brightly towards his response.)_

**Villagers Along With the Maverick Hunters:** Ooooooo…..

**Chun-Li:** Exactly! So logically…

**X:** If…she weighs the same as a duck…she's made of metal!

**Chun-Li:** And therefore…?

_(A long moment of silence follows…)_

**Zero:** A WITCH!

**Villagers:** A WITCH! A WITCH! A WITCH!

**Chun-Li:** Right! Then we shall use my largest scales!

**Tessa:** (to herself) _"I can't believe I'm about to die in the hands of complete morons…"_

_(So, Chun-Li took them to her strange device indeed, made out of wood, rope, leather, and few pieces of Maverick metal. They placed the tied-up Tessa on one plate while placing a duck on the other. Both of the plates were supported by a wooden block underneath it. Chun-Li checks the pan before giving out the signal.)_

**Chun-Li:** Remove the supports!

_(Zero and X came up next to the supporters and knocked both of them away, X using his X-Blaster on one while Zero uses his Z-Saber to slash the other. The villagers, along with Ryu and Ken, watched as Tessa and the duck swing slightly, weighing perfectly in balance.)_

**Villagers:** A WITCH! A WITCH!

**Tessa:** (tiredly) Fine…guilty as charged…

**Villagers:** MELT HER! MELT HER!

_(And so, the villagers dragged her away, leaving Ryu and Ken to watch as they fled to the outskirts. Chun-Li comes up to them, seeming to have much interest in Ryu's knowledge.)_

**Chun-Li:** Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

**Ryu:** I am Ryu: King of the Pocket Fighters. (turns to Ken) And this is my trusty servant, Ken Masters.

(Ken just ways to her.)

**Chun-Li:** (Gasps) My liege! (kneels respectfully)

**Ryu:** (nods to her before looking at her contraption) I see that you're devoted in the fields of science. We could use someone like you in my court of Pocket Fighter HQ.

**Chun-Li:** (looks up to him, her face filled with much enthusiasm) My liege! I would be honored!

**Ryu:** Tell me…what is your name?

**Chun-Li:** Chun-Li, my liege.

**Ryu:** Very well, then. (pulls out a sword **_somehow_** and gently taps it on her left shoulder, then on her right) By the power infested in me, I dub you…Sir…uuhh…Sir…ummm… (thinks for moment before turning to Ken) Hey…how **_do_** you knight a female?

**Ken:** (shrugs) The hell should I know…

**Ryu:** Hmm…this could a problem…

**Chun-Li:** (blinks, already figured out what was the hold-up) Indeed.

**Author:** (Voice only, coming out from the sky) Pssst…just knight her…the same way as you would to a male, except that you use "dame"!

**Ryu:** (blinks as he looks to the sky) Oh…thanks very much!

**Author:** S'alright.

**Ryu:** Right. (turns to Chun-Li) By the power infested in me, I dub you…_Dame_ Chun-Li: Fighter of the Round Table!

_(The scene changes to where Ryu, Ken, and their new member Chun-Li are "riding" along the open fields in the day time and night, through villages, ruins, and forest, searching for more heroic fighters to join in their quest.)_

**Narrator:** The wise Sir…err…**_Dame_** Chun-Li was the first to join King Ryu's knights. But other illustrious names were soon to follow…

_(The scene goes black for a moment.)_

**Narrator:** Sir Dante Devil May Cry series the Brave…

_(The scene changes to a picture of Dante having a duel with his brother, Vergil.)_

**Narrator:** Sir Talbain Darkstalkers series the Pure…

_(Scene changes to a picture of Talbain having a duel with Demitri.)_

**Narrator:** And Sir Dan Street Fighter Alpha series the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Dante…

_(Scene changes to a picture of Dan holding out a peace sign.)_

**Narrator:** …who had nearly fought the Nemesis monster of Raccoon…

_(Scene changes to Dan backing away, looking scared.)_

**Dan:** (voice only, and in anger) Hey!

**Narrator:** …who had nearly stood up to the vicious fiery god of the Darkstalker realm…

_(Scene changes to a picture of Dan moving towards the side of the picture, obviously fleeing.)_

**Dan:** That's not true, damn it!

**Narrator:** …and who had personally wet himself when fighting against the great Sagat.

_(Scene changes to a picture of only showing Dan's hand.)_

**Dan:** I hate you…

**Narrator:** (to Dan) And so does you mom…

**Dan:** (shocked) MOTHER! (start to make childish crying noises) HOW COULD YOU! I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR SPECIAL CHILD!

**Narrator: **And the aptly named…

_(Scene changes to a picture with a crappy drawing of a stick figure person on it, and with a terribly drawn helmet and sword.)_

**Narrator:** Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfic.

_(Scene changes back to where Ryu and his fellow knights are "riding" through the grasslands.)_

Narrator: Together, they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries…The Fighters of the Round Table.

**Dante:** (voice only) Hey, aren't we doing this to get fame, money, and to get chicks?

_(You hear a loud WHACK in the background, followed by a body falling onto the floor, with a few sounds of Dante groaning in pain.)_

**Dante:** (weakly) Sorry if I asked…

_-End of Chapter Five…_

_**Chapter Six: The Lost of One Quest;  
The Beginning of Another**_

_(The scene opens up to where Ryu and his fighters are "riding" along the grassland. Ryu and Chun-Li are in front of the group, deep in a particular conversation.)_

**Chun-Li:** And that, my liege, is how we know that the Earth is doughnut-shaped.

**Ryu:** This new learning amazes me, Dame Chun-Li! Explain again how sheep's bladder may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

**Chun-Li:** Oh, certainly, sir!

**Dante:** (having a quick after hearing their conversation) Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold the phone here. Isn't the Earth **_spherical_**-shaped?

**Chun-Li:** (turns sharply to Dante, glaring at him) A LIE! IT'S ALL LIES! THE EARTH IS DOUGHNUT-SHAPED! I KNOW! I HAVE PROOF! (holds up various of papers with notes and science equations on them) FEAR MY ULTIMATE KNOWLEDGE OF SCIENCE! RRAAWWRR!

_(Dante just moved away from her, not saying a single word.)_

**Talbain:** (pointing) Sire! Sire! Look!

_(The knights stopped and turned to where Talbain was pointing at, spotting well-built castle in the distance, illuminated with the rays of the setting sun. Heroic music begins to play.)_

**Ryu:** (eyes filled with enthusiasm) By the Gods!

**Dante:** It's so beautiful!

**Talbain:** Only men can dream at what we're seeing!

**Ken:** (somewhere in the back with Dan): Looks like a model to me…

**Ryu:** (turns sharply to Ken) Sshhh! (to the others) Knights! I bid you welcome to our new home! And we shall name our home…Camelot!

**Dante:** Camelot!

**Talbain:** Camelot!

**Chun-Li, Dan, & Ken:** (in unison) Camelot!

**Author:** (voice only) And yes, it's everyone's favorite time on every Monty Python parody fic; the part where I hate so much about, but going to type it anyway to please everyone, and keep everyone calm and chirpy. Yes: it's time for the freakin' show-stopping number!

_(Music begins to play as the scene changes to the interiors of the castles, seeing several knights ready to begin the show-stopping number.)_

**Knights:** We're Fighters of the Round Table,  
We dance when'er we're able!

We do routines and action scenes,  
Animated impecc-able!

We dine well here in Camelot,  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot!

We're Fighters of the Round Table,  
Our show is for-mid-able!

But many times, we're given rhymes,  
That are quite unspeak-able!

We're rock song mad in Camelot;  
We sing from the diaphragm a lot!

_(The knights go into a tap-dancing routine where two xylophonists play parts on some knights' armor. This last for about a minute or so.)_

**Knights:** In fights, we're tough and able,  
Quite indefatigable!

By the Gods; not animes.  
Or a cutesy Disney fable!

It's a busy life in Camelot…!

_(Scene changes to where you see **BISON** Street Fighter series wearing a suit of armor.)_

**Bison:** I have to push the pram a lot!

_(The dancing, singing, and music continues on as the scene switches back to Ryu and his knight as we left them, all carrying a puzzled look.)_

**Ryu: **You know what? Let's find another castle to stay at. Camelot is a silly place…especially with Bison in there.

_(The others muttered in agreement and "rode" off to which the direction that they came.)_

_(The scene continues on to where Ryu and his fighters are "riding" through the fields. Almost immediately, they are suffered from the sounds of heavenly music and singing from nowhere. Their pages took fright for a moment, whinnying and rattling the coconuts halves as if they were horses. As Ryu and company tried to find source that the sounds were coming from, a booming voice came out from the sky.)_

**Voice:** Ryu! King of the Pocket Fighters!

**Chun-Li:** (looks up to the voice) My god! Is that…!

**Dante:** It is…!

**Ryu & Talbain:** (in unison) It's God!

_(Immediately, Ryu and company kneel on the ground.)_

**God:** Oh, don't grovel at me! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling!

**Ryu:** (quickly rises along with the others) Sorry, my Lord!

**God:** And don't apologize! Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"!

**Dante:** Wow…must be tough to be God.

**God:** Well, it is! It's not easy to get some privacy once you're known as "the alpha and omega of all living things". Just like being the President of the United States, ya know?

_(Ryu and company nodded in agreement.)_

**Chun-Li:** So what bring your presence to us, oh Creator?

**God:** Right! About that… (turns to Ryu) Ryu! You and your Fighters of the Round Table shall heve a task to make them an example in these dark times.

**Chun-Li: **Ah! A good idea, my Lord!

**God:** 'Course it is! Now behold!

_(Another light appears in the light where God was standing. A strange glowing form appears and takes form.)_

**God:** Ryu! This is the Not-So Holy Grail!

_(The form finally takes shape, revealing a white coffee with a smiley face on the front to the observers.)_

**Talbain:** (having a quick thought) Wait a minute…don't you mean the "_Holy_ Grail"?

**God:** Well, yeah, I**_ was_** going to give you that. Unfortunately, someone beat you to it, and there were too many parody fics of it afterwards.

**Dante:** So what's so great about the grail you're giving us?

**God:** Look, it was best thing that I could come up within short notice! Now be quiet and pay attention!

_(The group nodded and did what they were told. Talbain and Dante muttered to themselves.)_

**God:** Look well, Ryu, for it is your sacred task to seek this Grail!

_(Immediately, the mug fades away. Soon the lights, music, and singing slowly fades.)_

**God:** (voice fading away as well) That is your purpose, Ryu: the Quest for the Not-So Holy Grail!

_(The eventful session was gone now. Everyone was left in awe and wonderment.)_

**Dan:** A blessing! A blessing from our Lord!

**Chun-Li:** Our Savior be praised!

**Dante:** Yeah, whatever they said…

_(Talbain just nods.)_

_-End of Chapter Six…_

_**Chapter Seven: The Crazy Succubi**_

_(We meet the Fighters "riding" through the fields again, until they spot a castle nearby. Slowly, they approach to it, until they were a few feet away from it. After Ryu giving the signal to halt, he and two of the pages draw closer to the castle.)_

**Ryu:** Hello! Anyone up there?

_(A moment of silence came.)_

**Ryu:** Is there anyone that I can speak to?

_(Another moment of silence came, and then **LILITH** Darkstalkers series appears on the battlements.)_

**Lilith:** (looks down to spot Ryu) Hello! Who is it?

**Ryu:** It is King Ryu, and these are my Fighters of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?

**Lilith:** This is the castle of my master, Lord Jedah!

**Ryu:** Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest! If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Not-So Holy Grail!

**Lilith:** (blinks) Don't you mean the "_Holy_ Grail"?

**Ryu:** It's a long story…

**Lilith:** Oh…well, I'll ask him…but I don't think he'll be very keen…umm…he's already got one, you see?

**Ryu:** (blinks) What?

**Talbain:** She says they've already got one!

**Ryu:** (glares to Talbain) I can hear what she's saying, thank you very much! (turns to Lilith) Are you sure he's got one?

**Lilith:** Oh yes. It's very nice.

_(On the battlements, Lilith turns to her **MORRIGAN** Darkstalkers series who was listening to the conversation.)_

**Lilith:** (whispering) I told him we already got one.

_(Morrigan giggles as she continues to listen.)_

**Ryu:** Okay…umm…can you come up and have a look, then?

**Lilith:** (with a more angry tone) Of course not! You are human types!

**Ryu:** (blinks once more) Well, what are you, then?

**Lilith:** I'm a succubus! Why do you think I have these out**_rage_**ous bat wings sticking out of my head for, you silly mortal? (points to them)

**Talbain:** Then what are doing in this world for?

**Lilith:** That's none of your business, you mutt!

(_Talbain growls fiercely at that.)_

**Ryu:** (losing patience) All right then…if you will not show us the Grail, then we shall take your castle by force!

**Lilith:** You don't frighten us, human pig-dogs! Go and boil your tails, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Ryu-king! You and all your silly human fighters! (sticks her fingers in her ears and blows a long raspberry, making several silly faces after that.)

**Talbain:** (just stares at her) What a strange woman…

**Ryu:** (nods to Talbain before turning back to Lilith) Now look here, my good lady!

**Lilith:** (glares at Ryu) I don't want to talk to you anymore, you empty-headed animal food trough-wiper! I spit in your general direction! (does so, almost nailing Talbain) Your mother was a prostitute and your father smelt of a human corpse!

**Dante:** (stepping up to Ryu's left side) Look…lady! Is there someone else that we can talk to?

**Lilith:** (glares to Dante, spitting at his direction) NO! Now go away before I insult you a second time!

**Ryu:** LOOK! This is your last chance! I've been more than reasonable to you!

_(At that, Lilith speaks in a bizarre demonic language before leaving the battlements.)_

**Ryu:** (blinks) Did anyone get that?

**Dante:** I maybe a demon, but that doesn't mean I speak the language of it.

_(Meanwhile, on the battlements…)_

**Lilith:** Okay…those idiots have annoyed me long enough… (turns to Morrigan) Morrigan! Load the catapults!

**Morrigan:** We don't have any ammo…

**Lilith:** (blinks) What?

**Morrigan:** We don't have **_any_** ammo! We sold them all last week, remember?

**Lilith:** Why in the world did we do that for?

**Morrigan:** (rolls her eyes before glaring at her) We were running out of food…

**Lilith:** (after think about it) Oh yeah…

**Morrigan:** (sighs) So now what do we do?

**Lilith:** (shrugs to her before spotting a cow in the interior of the castle.) How about we use that?

**Morrigan:** (glances to the cow for a moment, then turns to Lilith with a puzzled look) You want to use a cow as ammunition against them?

**Lilith:** Of course! Besides, that's what they used in the original script of _Monty Python_! (holds up the script)

**Morrigan:** (blinks, not bothering to ask how Lilith got that) Whoever wrote that part in there has one strange sense of humor…

**Lilith:** Oh, hush up and load the catapults…

_(Back on the fields…)_

**Ryu: **(angrily) If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall!

_(TWANG! The cow that Morrgian and Lilith used flies over the castle walls, falling aggressively towards our heroes.)_

**Ryu:** (sees the falling cow and is in shock) OH MY GOD!

**Dante:** RUUUNNN!

_(And so they did, except for Tablain's page that was squashed when the cow landed on him, killing him instantly.)_

**Talbain:** Great…and before I can even use him to do something useful…

**Ryu:** All right, that settles it. (signals his fighters to charge at the castle) ATTACK!

**Fighters:** (in unison) ATTACK!

_(Ryu leads the charges toward the castle. They continued on until they were suddenly being bombarded with farm animals.)_

**Lilith:** (throwing a duck) HAHA! THIS ONE IS FOR YOUR MOTHER!

**Morrigan:** (Just stares at her after loading some chickens on the catapult) _"Why I couldn't have been the _only_ child…?"_

**Ryu:** (after seeing another page getting knocked out by a sheep) SCREW THIS! RUN AWAY!

_("RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" the Fighters shouted in unison as they retreated, still getting nailed with a few more farm animals before hiding behind the steep of a hill.)_

**Ken:** (takes a quick peek at the field) Wow…they were really going at it…

**Chun-Li:** Yeah, they threw everything except for the kitchen sink!

_(Just then, a kitchen sink lands on Dante's head, shattering into pieces as he falls unconsciously onto the ground.)_

**Chun-Li:** …I stand corrected…

**Ken:** (looks down to Dante.) Hey…you okay?

**Dante:** FINELAND! (passes out again)

**Chun-Li:** We can count that as a "no".

**Talbain:** Fiends! I'll tear them apart!

**Ryu:** (tries to restrain Talbain from lunging out) Calm yourself, you crazy mutt!

**Talbain:** (snaps to Ryu with a vicious glare, breaking his grip on him) I'M NOT A MUTT! I'M A WEREWOLF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

**Ryu:** (blinks, backing away a little) Just pipe down, hot-shot.

_(Talbain growls at him before taking a seat on the ground, muttering angrily)_

**Dan:** So now what do we do…?

**Chun-Li:** Hmm…I think I have a plan to solve our problem…

_(Moments pass by as the scene changes to the battlement, spotting Lilith peering suspiciously towards the Human lines…with the acceptation of a half-demon and a werewolf with their side. Lilith continues to search the field until she picks up the sounds of carpentry from a distance. After a moment of silence, more activity was heard, causing Lilith to make sharp looks at the field to pin-point the location of the sound. Another moment of silence came, until it was disturbed with faint sound of squeaking and rattling, getting louder with each passing moment. Soon, Lilith spots a twenty-foot-high wooden rabbit being wheeled out into the open space and In front of castle. She look down, narrowing her eyes as she spots the Knights pushing, and scampering away back to the steep of the hell after getting it close to the castle. )_

**Lilith:** (signal Morrigan to come as she points to the wooden rabbit) Morrigan! Come look! Quickly!

_(Morrigan came, spotting the object as well as they look at it in awe. They narrow their eyes as they examine the object, making sure there was nothing suspicious about it before nodding to each other. After leaving the battlements, the main gate opens a little and Morrigan's head sticks out, then Lilith's, then a little demon's head, and so on.)_

**Demon:** (mutters in a bizarre demonic language)

**Lilith:** (looks to the demon with a puzzled look) What?

**Demon:** (says it again, but louder and clearer)

**Lilith:** I can't understand a word you're saying…

**Demon:** (glare to her before saying it once again, this time more slowly and angily)

**Lilith:** (getting annoyed) Speak English, you idiot!

**Demon:** (with a Hispanic accent) I said "The coast is clear, Ma'am"!

**Lilith:** Oh…

**Demon:** I thought you could speak our language…

**Lilith:** Just because I can speak it doesn't mean I can translate it!

**Demon:** That's just retarded…

**Lilith:** (glares to the demon) Just get the damn thing in before I kill you…

**Demon:** (blinks, sweating a little) Yes ma'am! (runs out to the field)

**Morrigan:** (sighs) _"I surrounded by an insane sister with a bunch of demonic idiots…"_

_(The demon, along with a few others, pull the giant rabbit into the castle, closing the gate behind them. Meanwhile…)_

**Dante:** (holding an ice bag on his head) So what happens now?

**Chun-Li:** Well, You, Talbain, and Ryu wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the demons by surprise. Not only surprise, but totally unarmed!

**Talbain:** Hmm…very nice plan, but their one small problem with that?

**Chun-Li:** Oh? And what would that be?

**Talbain:** What the hell are we standing out here for if we're supposed to be in the damn thing!

**Chun-Li:** (thinks about that) Oh…crap…

_(The other Knights groan in frustration.)_

**Chun-Li:** Wait! I can fix this! If we built a large…umm…wooden chicken—

**Talbain:** Shut up! You had your chance! (stands in front of the others) I say we charge into the castle and—

_(TWANG! They all look to the battlements in horror, spotting the wooden rabbit falling right on top of them.)_

**Tablain:** Aww…crap…

**Ryu:** RUN AWAY!

**All:** RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

_(And so they fled, except for another page that was killed off when the rabbit crashed onto him.)_

**Lilith:** YOU JACKASSES! NO ONE GIVES ME PIXIE STICKS!

**Morrigan:** (rolling her eyes, muttering to herself) Someone kill me now…

_(The scene changes to the wreckage of the wooden rabbit, with a man dressed up in a black business-type suit standing in front of it. He speaks straight to our view in a documentary kind of way. Soon, the caption appears saying: A Very Famous Historian.)_

**Author:** ACTION!

**Man:** Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Ryu. The ferocity of the demonic taunting took him completely by surprise, and Ryu became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest of the Not-So Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Ryu, having consulted his closest fighters, decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. Now, this is what they did: Dante…

_(Just then a knight in black armor walks up to him. They both stare at each other for a moment before the knight kicks him in the shin, causing him to fall to ground in agonizing pain as he walk off. A middle-age woman in modern clothing comes into the scene, looking in horror at the injured man.)_

**Woman:** FRANK!

_-End of Chapter Seven…  
-End of Session Two…_


End file.
